As everyone focuses on global-warming no one is paying attention to the alarming trend that the world itself is drifting ever further apart. The Coalition for the Realignment of Pangea understand that though the fight against global climate change is far sexier than the debate on continental drift, the latter is clearly more demanding of the world‘s attention. Consider the facts:

• Continental Drift is potentially devastating. Scientific study proves that the North American continent is on a collision course with Asia. It is certain that the collision of these two behemoth landmasses will result in previously unseen levels of seismic destruction.

• Continental Drift is affected by human action. The sheer weight of people & artifacts concentrated in specific areas, has led to an observed impact on the settling of land in some places, and raising in others. It is not unlikely that this phenomenon has had an accelerating impact on the drift of the continents themselves.

• The impacts of continental drift are socially regressive, thus demanding a global solution. Developing nations and the poor will be the first to feel the effects of Drift, as the land on which they depend for subsistence shifts from one latitude to another.

It is the belief of this Coalition that an immediate redistribution of population is necessary, in order to counterbalance the movements of continents. Populations in North America must be redistributed to the western seaboard, in order to help encourage the continent back towards the east.

We must also immediately engage in a discovery effort to find methods for using technology to reverse the trend of continental drift, in order to maintain the relative positions of the continents at pre-1996 levels (the last time world maps were updated by Rand McNally). We understand that the use of large diesel engines along the converging coastlines are our best bet in accomplishing this.

Without intervention and immediate action, the Atlantic Ocean will continue to expand, while the Pacific Ocean shrinks. India will continue to push into the southern Asian continent, pushing the Himalayas higher. Meanwhile the city of Los Angles will continue its journey north to join with the city of San Francisco. Eventually, the Mediterranean Sea will disappear, connecting Africa with Europe. And there‘s no telling what this will do to the anti-globalization movement.

We must work in solidarity to insure that the planet‘s resources are marshaled in common, in order to find a way of avoiding this impending disaster.

The Coalition for the Re-Alignment of Pangea (CRAP) is leading the way in tectonic intervention. (Hey, it‘s no crazier than trying to control the climate.)