Bureaucrat of the Week: Senator Bill Alter

Ass When a Missouri state senator wanted a new way to impose state powers over his constituents he turned to his brain-trust for counsel. They came up with a law that would force stores to sell warm beer in order to prevent drinking while driving. If beer was colder than 60 degrees the grocery or convenience store could risk losing their state liquor license.

So who are the members of Sen. Alter's brain trust? They are the junior statists attending fifth-grade government indoctrination in Jefferson County, Missouri. If they keep it up and follow the example of Senator Bill Alter maybe one day they too can receive the title of Bureaucrat of the Week!

Props: Reason's Hit & Run

by Jason on 01/21/06

Submitted by cuttooth33 on Sat, 2006/01/21 - 17:35.

hahahahaha. As sad as this is, it's hilarious and kind of creative. What a dumbass. Who allows these people to do this....and have an incumbency reelection rate of like 97%?

Submitted by Shane on Sat, 2006/01/21 - 19:21.

To crasher TKnapp & all our other Missourian friends:

You can cool a six-pack from 65 down to 35 degrees in under 5 minutes (or about 2.2 miles in city traffic) if y'a put it in a cooler full of iced salt-water.

You can cut the time almost in half if you forego the ice-water & just blast it with a dry chem fire extinguisher instead, though that makes for a messy (& expensive) cold six-pack.

I'd stick with the iced salt-water. The dry-chem stuff is awful hard to get off the windshield, which could make for dangerous driving.

;)

(Thanks to the Mythbusters for helping foil Sen. Alter's evil plans.)
------------------

sh(A)ne

Minister of Truth

Submitted by Primenumbergirl on Tue, 2006/01/24 - 09:27.

If you can stand to drink Coors Light they already come in a Cooler pack in many states. They are packed as 18 16 ounce plastic bootles inside a plastic lined heavy duty box. Open the top add the salt and water and bobs-your-uncle Cold Beer. Now switch it to something drinkable like a Newcastle and you've got a party.

primenumbergirl-

Complacency begs to be punished

Submitted by Shane on Sun, 2006/01/22 - 03:59.

My letter to Sen. Alter:

Dear Senator Alter,

Im writing you concerning your proposed Senate Bill 763, which would ban the sale of cold beer in order to curb drunk driving. It has occurred to me that your bill, while technically brilliant, is in need of modification in order to achieve its lofty goal:

According to scientific testing performed by the Discovery Channels Mythbusters, it is possible to chill a warm six pack down to a thirst-quenching 35 degrees in less than five minutes by submerging it in a cooler filled with iced salt-water. This time can be cut in half by instead spraying the bottles with the contents of a dry chemical fire extinguisher, though some clean-up time would be required before consuming the beer in this case. Regardless, each of these methods makes it possible to turn store-bought warm beer into tasty intoxicating cold beer in as little as two miles in afternoon traffic.

I understand that the idea for your proposal was the result of a brainstorming exercise performed by a Jefferson County fifth-grade class. I can understand why you would be tempted to look to fifth-graders for guidance in governing the state of Missouri; after all, the outstanding decision to name the American Bullfrog the official state amphibian during the previous session came at the recommendation of a fourth-grade class in Kansas City. This idea, coming from the efforts of fifth-graders, must be one year better still. However, I think its clear why, in this case, even fifth-graders have their shortcomings:

Fifth-graders, even in Missouri, have had precious little experience handling or consuming beer. They simply cannot be expected to understand how quickly and satisfyingly it can be cooled. Thus, they could not have possibly realized that banning either ice or salt-water, as well as all types of dry-chem fire extinguishers, would be a necessary element of any attempt to cut down on drunk driving by imposing a waiting, or "cooling-off" period on the purchase of beer.

I strongly encourage you to immediately amend your proposal to include a ban of these two dangerous and troublesome items. I also hope that this oversight does not discourage you from relying on schoolchildren for direction when crafting future legislation. It is in the end, after all, all for the children.

Yours Most Sincerely,

Crasher sh(A)ne
Minister of Truth for the
Bureaucrash Activist Network